


Join Our Quest

by minasface (aliveisnice)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Filk, Gen, Humor, No Spoilers, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:43:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliveisnice/pseuds/minasface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A parody of Be Our Guest from Disney's Beauty and the Beast</p><p>Or, That Other Song Thorin and Company Sang in Order to Persuade Bilbo into an Adventure</p>
            </blockquote>





	Join Our Quest

Join our quest! Join our quest!  
We start our journey from the west  
And travel east 'cross mountain peaks  
To where the dreary dragon rests

Glistening gold, halls adorned  
Fallen kinsmen to be mourned  
We'll arrive through storm or blizzard  
Don't believe me? Ask the wizard!

We have key, we have map  
And a dwarf with silly hat  
And his brother's stew is always second best

Go on and sign your contract  
Skip the fine print and accept  
Our quest  
Yes, our quest  
Join our quest!

Flash of light, seering pain  
One-fourteenth profit to be gained  
We'll be there at dragon's lair  
Ere the last light of Durin's Day

You're at home caught unawares  
While the dwarves come in in pairs  
Majestic brooding, Balin complaining  
Fili and Kili entertaining

We share smokes and throw dishes  
Wash them nicely if you wish  
Will the hobbit come and join us? Place your bets!

Come on and drop those airs  
Like Uncle Mungo's chairs  
And join our quest  
Join our quest  
Join our quest

Life is so distressing  
For a Durin who's obsessing  
He's not whole without a throne to sit upon  
Ah, those good old days when wealth was plenty  
Singing of those good old days of Erebor  
Sixty years we've been waiting  
While the halls need escavating  
Needing exercise, a chance to use our skill  
Most days Smaug just lays around the castle  
Flabby, fat, and lazy, but you'll walk in and oopsie-daisy

Join your quest? Surely you jest!  
Adventures many I must protest!  
To steal the horde the dragon guards  
I'm sure is met with certain death

I like my books and hot tea  
Incineration's just not for me  
While you dwarves go mountain-throughing  
There's some gardening that needs doing

Enchanted woods? I'd rather not  
Heaven sakes, I might get shot!  
I've had enough! I won't concede to your request

I've got a lot to do  
A good morning to you  
For you, my best  
On your quest  
But I digress

Join our quest! Join our quest!  
Thorin's Co. at your service  
It's been years since we've met anybody beardless  
We're obsessed!

Can't you see? We're thirteen  
The venture's veering yet unseen  
Lest the end comes prematurely,  
Without your luck near we'll be surely

Killed by orcs! One by one!  
In the night without a sound  
So strap up your slacks, brush off your feet and don your vest

We wake up bright and early  
For tomorrow's journey  
Join our quest  
Join our quest  
Join our quest  
Come join our quest


End file.
